Hellomynameislacee's Blog

Baby boy is growing like a bad bad weed.

He’s always deep in thought….

Contemplating life…..

Cooing at his momma…….

Pondering possibilities…..

Looking more and more like a masculine version of Mia every minute…..

See, this was her way back when….

Here is Max…

She totally digs him.

It’s going by way to fast.

My hope is that they connect.  Protect eachother.  Pray together.  Play together.

I have no doubt…..she’ll teach him plenty.  I think about all the fun that they will have and all the laughs they will share….and all the hell they will raise.

And I smile….for now anyway.

I just hope he can keep up….

Now off to enjoy this Summer day.  The new waterpark in town is going to get its first taste of Mia McClendon….and her momma.

Hope the sun is shining where you are…….

Love,

Lacee

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

We went to the ranch yesterday.  This land has been in my grandmother’s family for generations, and this particular pond is called lake Alpha, named after my great-grandmother.

The ranch is my little dwelling place of perfect happiness about 30 miles north on highway 70…..

My soul smiles when I come here.   Its a feeling of peace that I really can’t describe. 

This is where we spent our summers.  Camping, fishing, swimming, sitting by the campfire and loving every minute of it.    This is where my grandmother taught us how to make the perfect dough-boy.  This is where my daddy put a grody ole’ catfish in my little blow-up pool when I was 2…..instilling in me a fear of fish that holds true to this day.  Don’t get me wrong, I love to fish.  It’s the act of actually getting it off the hook that makes me cringe.  

This is where we spent hours on our four-wheelers exploring every acre.  This is where my daddy would wake my sister and I up cranking up the Eagles on his trusty jam-box.   This is where incredible memories were made…… 

This place is my paradise.

 We packed up the kids, the fishing poles, a couple of lawn chairs, the cooler and

had

a

b  l  a  s  t.

In case you were wondering, I did not fish.

I do not like fish.

The thought of placing my thumb inside a fishy mouth gives me the heebie-jeebies. 

In case you were wondering, I had to look up how to spell the word heebie-

jeebies, just to prove to Troy it is a real word.   I was right.

I love being right.

Click here and I will prove it.

We thoroughly enjoyed ourself.  We watched, and cheered and smiled, and enjoyed a beautiful Summer evening at the ranch.

We we watched our kids make memories of their own.

This place invokes peace.

This place makes me smile.

We played and had fun.

Dude, all you need is a beer and fishing pole to enjoy the ranch….

even if your fishing pole has a picture of lightening McQueen on it……..

This is what triumph feels like….

Thank goodness the traveling carnival came to town this week, we were hard up for some old-fashioned entertainment.  Toothless chain-smoking carni’s invaded our little town, took our money and went on their merry way. 

Which is totally fine, because we didn’t have anything better to do with that 75 bucks.  Seriously.  Our lives were not complete before Mia won that retarded rose at the balloon dart booth.  Something was missing.. must’v been that rose. Mia was 3 for 3 at that balloon dart booth by the way.  It was such a proud parent moment I felt compelled to share.

But seriously, I would have paid a hundred because these two little girls had a blast-an-a-half.  They were pumped….floating from one ride to the next giddy with excitement.  They didn’t care if the carni’s had teeth or not, and I had a blast watching them have the time of their lives.

They started off small….the glorified merry-go-round, otherwise known as the carousel (which I had to look up how to spell by the way).  For the record, I was way off. 

Daddy got to experience the thrill of the traveling carni carousel.  It was probably the smallest carousel ever made by the way.   I’m just saying.

The pure exhilaration was evident in his eyes…only he was wearing shades to hide it…..

He was plum titillated to accompany her on the super-duper-slide….

Mommy is  holding out for a roller-coaster @ six flags thank you.  It looked fun and all but I prefer the rides that you have to be at least 42 inches tall for.  sue me

Then they saw the “Dragon Wagon” and really, I would have given anything to know what they were thinking at this point……  They wanted to ride, but something about it scared the buhjeezus out of them.  I could tell Mia was seriously hesitant and giddy all at the same time. I didn’t think she would go through with it…

 But she did…………..and it was worth it…..

Luckily, their buddy from school was in line and got to ride with them.  They were over the moon excited…

They're gonna have so much fun in high school. I'm just saying.....

Summertime is fabulous.  I don’t want these days to end.  I love Summer and not just because teachers have the Summer off.  I love to wake up on Summer mornings and know there is not a single thing I really have to do.  Screw the dishes and laundry, we eat off paper plates and wear bathing suits and all day.   We wake up in the morning and decide what we want to do, even if that consists of eating tuna sandwiches and watching scooby-doo on the sofa (yes we actually watch scooby-doo, Daphne is my homie).  And for the record, popsicles for lunch ain’t all that bad either.

Summer is made for free spirits.  No worries, no responsibilities, no alarm clock, no bedtime, no rules……..and Mia is taking the no rules thing very seriously.  In her world, no rules even applies to t-ball, because homegirl almost knows which direction to run when she hits the ball.

 And by almost, I mean she has absolutely no crapping clue what base to run to.  Last night, she hit the hell outta that ball and….ran directly back to the dug-out. 

Grinning the whole time….

She likes the audience more than anything.  Which begs the question, who doesn’t like an audience?  I mean really. 

Summer.       I am in love………

with the way he grins at me every morning when he wakes up.

I am in love with his beautiful blue eyes that speak to me every day…..

I am in love with being the voice he responds to every time I walk into a room.  I   l o v e    that.

I have certainly fallen in love with the way his toes play with eachother.

And I know.  One of these days it will be just me and your daddy all alone to entertain ourselves in this house when you two are gone.  And your lives will be great, and so will ours.  But, as long as you are mine, I want to make your days great.  I want you to remember the things we did and the sounds we heard, and the way we laughed.  I will have to let you go someday…..

but until that day comes…….

I just wanna be your momma……….

It’s somewhere after 1am.  I’m still awake and bound and determined to put out a new post before I die.  Could be wishful thinking on my part.  The family is sound asleep less than five feet away from me and  I’m telling ya, this momma is treading water.  Fifty bucks says it’s time for a bottle before I push publish.  Most days it’s 2pm before Mia and I are dressed and 5pm before the dishes are done from last nights dinner that Troy prepared by the way.  Cause if anything edible around here is being prepared, Troy is doing it.  I know, SHOCKER.

For the record, all I have to do is mention Chocolate Chex, and this is the look I get.

All this self-deprecation….pretty pathetic really.  Mind you, my goals are not that lofty.  I’m not shooting for spotless baseboards or a clean fridge here people.  If fact, I just want our house not to smell like someone pooped everywhere.  I should be ashamed of myself.   Bringing a second child into the household/circle-of-chaos really shouldn’t throw that big of a hitch in things.  Right now, I can’t find my butt with both hands, much less a clean pair of underwear in this joint.  My days are over before they start. 

Perhaps, just perhaps I am in need of an attitude adjustment. 

She is 4 years, 4 months, and 6 days old….and her little life is so different now.   She has done one heckuva job adjusting to all these changes.  Lots better than her momma.   Life is coming at me from all angles and she is growing up right before my eyes.  She wants to do girlie things like wear dresses and go for walks.  So we did today. 

And we found roses…..in some stanger’s yard but nevermind that…..

…..and we smelled them.

…..and we looked both ways…

…..and we danced in the street.

I just want her to know that nothing she could do could make me turn my back on her.

I hope someday she can forgive me for giving her a poptart for lunch today.

When she’s 23….I hope she comes home to see me.

When she’s 24….I hope she remembers how much fun we had together.

When she’s happy, I hope she calls me.

I hope she knows she’s my reason for living.

I hope she knows what a good friend she’ll always have in her little brother…..

I hope she knows what a good friend she’ll always have in Presley Jo……who kicked her butt in a silly string war today………

 She took pride in hosing her cousin.

Friends hose eachother…..all in good fun.

 Nothing wrong with a little harmless hosing.  silly string style that is.

Ok Presley, having a little too much fun aren’t ya?

Nah…..no such thing……

 When they’re old, I hope they do this once more in my honor.

When they’re old, I hope they look both ways, and dance in the street.

When they’re old, I hope they take a walk and find some roses.

Or begonias………

Cause dude.  You gotta love begonias.

It’s been over two weeks since my last post.  Feels more like twelve.  I’m still trying to find my groove.  Taking care of a baby around the clock is much harder than I remember.  Max is nothing like Mia was. 

Turns out, Max isn’t much of a sleeper.  He sucks down four onces every two hours and usually wants more.   His appetite is insatiable and he doesn’t much like to be put down either.  Sleep deprivation is a bitch. Allow me to elaborate……

This morning I poured milk into a bottle that did not have a liner in it.  Awesome

Yesterday I poured coffee in Mia’s sippee cup.   Even more awesome.  She gagged something aweful and looked at me like I had lost my damn mind. I assured her I had in fact lost my mind, and she proceeded to give me go-to-hell looks the remainder of the morning.

The other day, I was sitting at an intersection in Amarillo and watched the light go from red to green and back to red again without moving.

Not a very popular move it turns out to sit through a green light in mid-day traffic. 

This semi catatonic state has got to end before somebody gets hurt.

Sweet Jesus I need some sleep.

Max is almost 7 weeks old, and we’ve been home 5 of those weeks.  He is healthy and happy, and I am head over heals in love with him.  Every day that goes by I pray for patience and some sort of continuity.  Some days have harmony.  Most don’t, but I am so grateful. 

I did my first 5k ever this month. 6 weeks after a c-section no less.

I walked it.

I about died.

I need my head checked. 

I need a tan.    (Not as bad as Troy however, whose legs are cropped intentionally)  You’re welcome Troy.

Love you mom.

I need Uncle Jason around more often….

I wonder what both of these hon-yots have stashed in their cheeks.......

I need to bake with Mia more often……and leave the dishes for later……

Love more often…….

The most fabulous quilt.....finished at last. Thank you Aunt Lauren.

photo taken by Mia Claire

I recently stumbled upon this quote….I need to read it aloud every morning.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough & more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion to clarity.  It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger  into a friend.  Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace to today & creates a vision for tomorrow.

 Most of all I am grateful that kids survive mothers like me.

Love,

Lacee

Recipe for happiness:

6 consecutive hours of sleep.  That’s what I got last night.  I still can’t believe it.  It’s been weeks since I’ve slept for more than 2 hours at a time.  It felt amazing.

Baby feet.  I love em.

love em.

love em.

In case you forgot what my baby’s looks like.  Here you go.

RAIN.  Praise God for rain. I want to breathe in that sweet smell until I’m dizzy.  It makes my heart hit high notes I didn’t know were possible.

Kiddo T-Ball.  If you ever find yourself in need of a good laugh, find a t-ball game going on near you.  It’s not even necessary to know the kids playing.  It’s that funny.  Mia played her first game ever last night and hilarity ensued.

It turns out, four year olds have very short attention spans.  When she wasn’t kicking dirt, she was playing with her bubble gum THAT I ACTUALLY GAVE HER BEFORE THE GAME. 

What

the

hell

was

I

thinking.

She is by far the smallest one on her team and I admit, I was a little worried. 

First 5 minutes of the game, and here she is holding her crotch, doing a fantastic pee-pee dance right there on third base…….

We made a b-line to the nearest little girls room, gave her a quick pep talk,  and  she was ready to play some ball.

Girlfriend wacked that ball first raddle out of the box.  She actually knew what direction to run when she hit the ball and when she rounded third base heading home, I was jumping up and down like she had hit a homer.

These are the days that I have looked forward to for so long.  Our days don’t consist of much.  But they are happy happy days that I don’t ever want to forget.

One more for the road………happy days ya’ll.

If there is one word to describe her right now, that word would be proud.

But,  if there were a second word I could add while we’re describing Mia, that second word would be loud.

Proud and loud, that’s my Mia.

She prods him, he grunts.  She pokes him, he grunts.

She stomps down the stairs, he growls in response.

She slams the backdoor, he grimaces in response.

It’s a good thing Max is a laid back little dude, or we’d be in a world of pain.

I am madly in love with this picture.  He smiles like this all day long.  My heart leaps out of my chest when he giggles in his sleep.  It’s heaven on earth I tell you. 

Now if I could get him to sleep all night instead of all day….we’d be in business.

We will find that balance soon I hope.  I couldn’t ask for a better natured, beautiful baby boy.

A true blessing I tell you.

We’re taking it easy around here. But we’re taking it.

My mom used to say this to my sister and me when we would pull up in our driveway as kids….”Home again home again jiggity jog!”  I remember looking at her like….why are you so weird?

I have no clue what it means, I have no clue where it came from.  With my mother…there’s really no telling.   But as we pulled in our driveway with Max and Mia both in their carseats after a two week detour from hell I said it with pure joy.

Max is home.

For 2 days now our family has been back together.

We’re resting & taking it all in.

We’re getting the hang of things.

We’re feeling purely blessed.

I’ts official.

I’m in love.

I’m in love with seeing these two together. 

I’m especially in love with his feet & the way they play with eachother while he nurses.

I’m in love with how it took Mia less than 2 days to become the most proud and protective big sister a little brother could ask for.

I’m even in love with her bizarre need to inspect and oversee every diaper we change.

It’s hard to believe that just 16 days ago he came into this world a very sick baby, completley unable to breathe on his own, completley shaking us to the core.

The two weeks we had to wait to bring him home was a nightmare.

But he made it.

We made it.

Home again home again jiggity jog.

Well worth the wait.

Again, thank you so very much for all of your prayers.  God is so so good.

Thank you Aunt Lauren for not buying him a hospital door mum...this was way cooler.

This is day 11. 

Day 11 of passing through security to see my baby.

Day 11 of scrubbing the skin off my hands for exactly 3 minutes before I see my baby. Troy times me people.

Day 11 of hospital cafeteria food that tastes like butt….expensive butt at that.  Okay, the carrot cake ain’t that bad.

Day 11 of an outpouring of love and graciousness from people I would have never thought would be concerned about our hardship.

Day 11 of being away from Mia McClendon.  It feels like the wind has been knocked out of me being separated from her.

Day 11 of a shower with water pressure comparable to niagra falls…what skin I had left on my nipples is long gone.

 The NICU unit of Northwest Texas Hospital has been our home for the past 11 days.

Today was day 11 of waiting on Max Henry McClendon to get well.

Since Troy had to go back to reality and make a living, this is what I stare at the majority of my day between trips back and forth down the hall to nurse Max…….

And this…….

For the record...Bethenny Ever After is an idiot....actually she just needs her ass kicked

I am not a good ‘wait’ person…..

In the world of NICU, there is a lot of rhetoric.  I mean, the doctors and nurses have some hellacious skill in the effective use of speech.  They are professional “tip-toers”……..know what I mean? 

I ask alot of questions.  Some being on the intelligent end of the spectrum…some not so much.  The doctors & nurses are trained to speak in nothing but factual terms.  If you’re lucky, a little compassion is mixed in there but they are seriously careful not to give you any false hope. 

I need hope here.  I need some prospective end to this hell.  I’m in desperate need to have my baby in my arms without asking permission from some 20 something nurse that doesn’t know a damn thing about having a baby.

The only thing parents want to know is “When can we go home?”   All the doctors and nurses can say is “The baby will tell us when it’s time.”

The baby finally spoke today.  He decided it was time to go home, and the doctors agreed.

Perhaps he made this decision when he saw what their idea of a bathtub was.  Truly appalling.   I actually laughed when I saw it.  Totally unacceptable accomodations for a peaceful bathing experience for a baby…..

Something tells me 9 pounders don’t frequent the NICU very often.

Max held this look of major concern for the duration of bath time.

The nurse even felt sorry for him….not sorry enough to stop laughing and snapping pictures though. 

I will be buying a legitimate baby bathtub to donate to the NWT NICU so poor babies won’t have to endure such humiliation anymore.

If plans don’t change, we will be a family again Wednesday, April 13th. 

Max is finally coming home along with a little oxygen tank to help his lungs.  Prayers have been answered and we are over joyed.   We are truly blessed.